i remember when i would feel uncomfortable using my computer in public because of the lack of privacy, all the while telling myself it is a positive lifestyle change to treat internet time as an outing. now, over a year into this relationship with the web, i feel only gratitude for the wifi access provided throughout my city. this local coffee joint keeps me warm and distant from the autumn rain, and i am highly content to be around the quiet buzz of peterborough characters while i write. it took some time, however, to get to this point of feeling good about this change to my lifestyle, but knowing now through experience that i hold the power to kick old habits and values, i feel encouraged to continue reaching towards the goals i have long fantasized over. how can i live with a smaller footprint, wake to sunrises revealing deep landscapes, work less, spend less, remain free to move around and yet making a comfortable home for myself? i've considered living out of a backpack, i've imagined renting for the rest of my life, and i've always longed for a private space to retreat to all the while wanting to move about the world.. i consider buying land and building a series of tiny houses, living communally with a kind group, and this idea makes life feel meaningful! i will work towards this, though the image in mind needs much refining.. for how can i spare myself from depleting my psychic energy when it comes to the cost of all of this? i reflect on the desire to own the land myself and continuously come to the thought that i am living too individualistically.. that for a sustainable life shared with a group of people that would become my kin is also to hand over hierarchy, to hand over this sense that i must own, and i must be in charge. easier said than done, though, as this tendency is so deeply set in my programming that to uproot it from my subconscious is a slow process.
~ patience.
